Entry n°4

Improved version

Working Women

Due to many historical processes the modern phenomenon of working women is not the same of several years ago. Nowadays women can work everywhere, whereas in the past they were expected to devote themselves to the house and the family. Today women are able to obtain a master’s degree in any college but in past times they were not allowed to do academic studies. Female suffrage was established at the end of the twentieth century. However, it was very difficult for women to participate in democracy before that time. The current role of women in work is the consequence of a continuous development of events throughout history.

Causes of Secondary Students’ Failure

Students’ failure is something that happens very often in the classroom and has some external and internal reasons. Some of these reasons come from outside the classroom like having a job. Various students are taking their first steps in the work environment when they are not at school. Therefore, they have limited time to focus on their homework and to study. Others see themselves affected by problems in the family such as parents divorce, violence or problems with the law for instance. A number of other reasons of students’ failure have their roots inside the classroom, such as bullying and shyness. Being bullied in all its forms (verbal, physical, psychological) has huge impact on students’ performance. The victims are likely to have low self-esteem, anxiety and depression. Consequently, they try to avoid going to school. Shyness is seemed as an important factor of student’s failure because it interferes with their learning. If they have doubts about a certain topic, they will not ask. Hence, they remain in a place of uncertainty. These experiences cause a huge amount of stress on the students and as a result, they become unable to concentrate on schoolwork and they fail.

 

The previous paragraphs were written collaboratively with two of my classmates. The parts that are underlined are not well written according to the type of paragraph we tried to write and some of them have mistakes. The main problem was the choosing of the topic sentence. It was not clear enough and it was divided in two sentences .As a result of that the supporting sentences were not appropiated.
I think that we should have taken into account the theory we had seen in the book From paragraph to essay. There are some clear examples of topic sentences and it explains how to write a paragraph developed by listing or comparison. The text also says that the concluding sentence should be just one sentence but we wrote two in the second paragraph. The parts that needed to be changed in order to improve both paragraphs will be corrected.

Working woman

The modern phenomenon of working women is the result of many historical processes that permitted them to have a job. Some issues were stereotyped role, professional studies and female suffrage. Firstly, modern women can work everywhere, whereas in the past they were expected to devote themselves to the house and the family. Secondly, today women can obtain a master’s degree in any college but in other times they were not allowed to do academic studies. We can appreciate a clear example of this in 1885 when  Elida Passo finally graduated in pharmacy.  Moreover, even though today women can participate in democracy, this right was not established until some years ago. To have an idea of how difficult the possibility of participating in rights was, it is worth mentioning that female suffrage started at the end of the twentieth century. The current role of women in work is the consequence of a continuous development of events throughout history, events that will lead to future analysis.   

Causes of Secondary Students’ Failure

Students’ failure is something that happens very often in the classroom and has a wide range of reasons. Some of these reasons come from outside the classroom like having a job and family problems among others. Various students are taking their first steps in the work environment when they are not at school. Therefore, they have limited time to focus on their homework or to study. Others see themselves affected by problems in the family; parents divorce, violence, problems with the law for instance. A number of other reasons of students’ failure have their roots inside the classroom, such as bullying and shyness. Being bullied in all its forms (verbal, physical, psychological) has huge impact on students’ performance. The victims are likely to have low self-esteem, anxiety and depression. Consequently, they will try to avoid going to school. Even though shyness may not seem an important factor of student’s failure, it interferes with their learning. If they have doubts about a certain topic, they will not ask. Hence, they remain in a place of uncertainty. Being successful at school is not simple, there is a large number of factors that lead students into failing. These experiences cause a huge amount of stress on the students and as a result, they become unable to concentrate on schoolwork.